Funny Quotes and Stories

Newest quotes are in orange

"Mom, I'm going to wear my camouflage pajamas tonight so you may not be able to see me when you come to say good night." 
-The Anchor

"Does slow and steady really win the race?"  
-The Free One

"I love my brother.  He's so cuddly, but he never lets me touch him."
-The Free One  

"The movie was so good.  I couldn't even keep my smile."  
-The Anchor

Free One:  "I think we should get Geico insurance for Aunt Jeanette's present."  
Mom:  Why?  She doesn't even own a car.  
Free One:  "Well, she has a lot of paperwork and they take care of your paperwork for you.  I think it's called paperwork insurance."

Q.  What do you think "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" means?
A.  "The doctor doesn't like apples.  The apple scares him." -The Free One
A.  "The doctor doesn't eat apples and they make the doctor sneeze."  -The Anchor

Free One:  "Mom, why didn't you go to college?"  
Mom:  "I did go to college."  
Free One:  "Then why don't you have servants?"  

"Mom, when are we going to die and go with Jesus?  It's taking a long time"  -The Anchor

"If you want to grow big and old you have to eat a lot of vegetables.  If you want to get sick and die you have to eat a lot of candy."  -The Free One

"Flamingos have two legs. They are like humans because humans have two legs. Flamingos and humans have two legs so flamingos are humans."  -The Anchor

"Mmmm, that tastes like a party.  It's like a mouth full of partyness."  -The Free One

"Everyone else will have eyeballs and I will have cake."  -The Anchor, to the waiter at Olive Garden

"I wanted to play soccer ball outside, but now it's raining.  Now I have to party nut."  -The Anchor

"Just don't look.  I'm going to do something bad."  -The Anchor

"Monkey, you and me will rule the world.  Wa ha ha!"  -The Anchor

"You wanna dance hot dog?  Huh?  Huh?"  -The Anchor

"I'm gonna drink my cheese pants."  -The Anchor

"Whoever gets to the finish line is a rockin' egg."  The Anchor

"Mom, this will help bring back your remembers."  -The Anchor

Free One:  "Mom, what does 'word to your mother' mean?"  
Mom:  I think it's like, "Tell your mom I said, 'hi.'"

"Knock Knock.  Who's There?  What if.  What if who?  What if a spider had one leg and eight heads? He would not keep up with you, but he could talk to you a lot."  -The Free One

"If I was Peter Panther, I would just play all day and watch movies."  -The Anchor

"This special ring makes me run faster!"  -The Anchor

"Mom, I'm going to college so I can have servants."  -The Free One

My dream day was to fly to Venice, read a book while sipping 
coffee in a cafe overlooking the grand canal then ride a gondola to 
a yummy Italian restaurant.  The Free One's dream day was to fly to 
Hawaii, go swimming at the beach and eat crab and Lobster in a 
restaurant. The Anchor's dream day was to "go with mommy". No, I 
didn't tell him that his dream day would wreck my dream day : )

Leave a comment with funny stories or quotes from your kids...


  1. I love this idea... I might just have to do this too. It's so precious! They're all in one place and you won't lose them.

    Mason said when he was about 3 or 4: "Mama, how many stars are there? I said, "Only God knows. There are too many for us to count." Mason: "I'll just ask God. Dear God, How many stars are there?" Then he looked at me and said, "He said there are 8."

    Kids are so fun.

  2. Becky, that's good to know!


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